I truly don’t know where to begin when talking about the Mortdecai trailer. It feels needlessly cruel to discuss this film because everyone (even the audience) is in on the joke except for Johnny Depp. Mortdecai is a “crime comedy.” This trailer features Johnny Depp living through yet another costume (in this case, bleached hair and a quirky moustache) and features Gwyneth Paltrow’s ridiculous attempt at a British accent in a Pink Panther knockoff. Something nice: Goop’s hair looks good.
Is it too soon to declare this as yet another Johnny Depp-led disaster? Maybe. Then again, this film got pushed back (along with Natalie Portman’s Jane Got a Gun) to next February. That’s not exactly a vote of confidence from the studio. February is a little better than January but not by much. Johnny stars in this trailer as the titular Charlie Mortdecai, an unorthodox art dealer who’s searching for a painting that leads to Nazi gold. This film is an adaptation of Kyril Bonfiglioli’s final novel that was finished posthumously. Thank goodness Kyril hasn’t lived to see this film. That sounds harsh, but so is this trailer. Let’s get this over with and then discuss. Pay special attention to Johnny making the “honking” motion with his hands after checking out Olivia Munn’s chest:
Ohhhh, Johnny. What happened? He used to be so bloody cool. Everything he did smelled of leather and intrigue. Now he’s popping out dud after dud. After The Rum Diary, Dark Shadows, and Transcendence, I don’t think his career can survive this latest disaster. Gwyneth Paltrow as a leading lady will not help. With Johnny’s lack of appeal over the past several years, he should either take an extended break or put that Jack Sparrow costume into heavy rotation. It may be time to bury the career and be done. Or at least put things in a time capsule. I’m going to pretend that Ewan McGregor has nothing to do with this mess. This film isn’t a “caper” or a spoof. It’s a physical embodiment of Johnny’s mid-life crisis, and it’s very uncomfortable to witness.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet & WENN
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